I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
