my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
