the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
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