I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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