How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
