Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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