I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
