OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
