Only a mothe r could love this liver
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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