The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
