just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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