I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
