At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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