If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
