In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
