Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
