I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
