i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
