My sheets look like a crime scene.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
