i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
