Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I sprained my soul last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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