I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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