Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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