I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
