I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
