I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize