She is in my trunk
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
