She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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