Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
