Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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