They should really pass out barf bags in church
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
