Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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