Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
