when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
