He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
