Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
