im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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