Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
