Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
