Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
