I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
