I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
