My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you never un-have a 4some
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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