I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
