She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I did not marry a roomba.
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