If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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