everyone is single if you try hard enough
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
