It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
