i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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