Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
