GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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