It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
