Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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