OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
