Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You may now shotgun with the bride
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Come share oat with me in your robe
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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