It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
