he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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