i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
