She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
