I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
