whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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