Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
