billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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