Duck Duck Cougar?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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