is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How naked do you want me to be?
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