how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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