So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
