He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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