It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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