He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
