Me too!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I intend to get homeless drunk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
