yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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