ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize