i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
