she kept yelling 'call me bella'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
