Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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